Isaac's Birth Story
What a blessed thing – to be able to write out and testify to the amazing workings of our great God. He is to be praised. He is to be worshiped. He gets all honor and glory. The thought of adopting two infant boys in less than three years is unheard of. God showed his power and moved people and circumstances so that his name would be glorified and our family blessed immeasurably. Our own merit has nothing to do with what He’s done and is doing in our family; God’s got great things in store for each and every one of us, if we’ll just ‘let go and let God’ .
This is Isaac’s story.
Personal Journal entries.......
January 6, 2010 “….I sit. I still. I breathe in your words just for a moment. I need focus. I need you Jesus – Please be my center. Please forgive me LORD where I have judged others unfairly. I pray for help in not being hypocritical – change me, Father, to see people as you see them. I don’t know what they are going through, where they’ve been. I need new eyes. As we delve again into the adoption world, help lead us to whomever you’d have us be a part of – Please provide the perfect child for our home…” Little did I know, at the time, that God would answer my heartfelt prayer March 8, 2011. Not just for a baby, but for a change in me.
January 26: Picked up paperwork from Amy at Bethany Christian Services. Neither of the ladies we previously worked with is still employed at this officeL. We pray for the right baby, the right family for us to love on.
January 27: “Please prepare our birth family, may they be drawn to you at this time of change. Please give them clear direction in knowing they should create an adoption plan for their child. I pray that they would have no doubt about choosing us.”
April 22: Home study set for the 30th – “Lord Jesus, please bring that baby home. Thank you for victory over Satan in Jesus – may this be a turning point for our birth mom – may she see and hear you clearly.”
April 28: “I’m a bit frustrated with the cancelled home study.” God’s timing not mine.
May 13: Home study – Bethany workers seem distant and over loaded – missing the ladies we worked with previously.
July 14: Waiting on back ground checks.
August 3: “Thank you Lord, for dying in my place, for adopting me and calling me your daughter. I rest in you – in the life you abundantly give. I pray for wisdom this day. The adoption process precedes - $3,500.00 to go before they will show our profile – Please help us as we get it together. Please make it appealing to the perfect family for us. It’s been suggested that we “tone it down a bit” “too much scripture, may be a turn off” That we will not do. Your word is truth – Your call to us is undeniable – You are not to be ashamed of. We rest in that You will send us the baby and mama You’d have for us – may this little one and Jacob be greatly used by you – may they be the best of friends. The numerous comments “we aren’t showing any profiles – so you aren’t missing any opportunities” is getting quite old. Your will Lord God, your children, your timing, your money – please guide us each step of the way. Provide as you see fit – may we see and pray your will.”
August 7: “Paperwork ‘misplaced in the shuffle’ for our FBI checks – more delay. God’s timing not mine. Please help us as we get the profile together, may it look and say just what it should to attract the right birth mom/family for us.”
August 17: “Thank you Jesus, the profile is done and in the mail tomorrow – Please take this, we surrender. Please allow the ‘perfect’ birth mom to choose us.“
“All that pleases is but for a moment; All that grieves is but for a moment; nothing is important but that which is eternal” - Milan Cathedral Inscription
September 16: “I learned today that our profile is in the hands of a birth mom this week. Lord Jesus, please help her – may she sense your leading. My heart aches for the decision she has to make. Please bless her for choosing life.”
October 7: I’ve taken a few pregnancy tests in my time….finally had one give me the answer I was looking for – Positive!
October 10: Doesn’t appear to be a viable pregnancy. Maybe all those negative tests weren’t so bad after all. My heart breaks and I’m ministered to by the perfect timing of my God with a CD in the mail today from Latonya. I listen. I pray. I cry. I sing. “I love you Father, You give, you take away, my heart will choose to say – Blessed be your name. Your will not mine. Your timing not mine.”
“I have rightfully no other business each day but to do God’s work as a servant, constantly regarding His pleasure. May I have grace to live above every human motive, simply with God and to God.” –Henry Martyn
December: Another birth mom chooses another.
December 12: fasting and prayer
“Across the will of nature leads on the path of God! Not where the flesh delighteth, the feet of Jesus trod. O bliss to leave behind us the fetters of the slave, to leave ourselves behind us, the grave clothes and the grave.
We follow in His footsteps, what if our feet be torn? Where He has marked the pathway all hail the briar and thorn! Scarce seen, scarce heard, unreckoned, despised, defamed, unknown, or heard but by our singing, On, Children, ever on!” -By Tersteegen from Amy Charmichael’s ‘A chance to die’
January 25, 2011: We’ve been in the process for a year now. “Sometimes the tears just come. I question, I plead, I pray. This world is not all there is. You Jesus, are all there is. I truly am content in you. I’m so blessed, blessed beyond measure; my husband, my son, my country, my amazing life. Yet the barrenness sometimes overwhelms me, I thank you for Hannah, for Sarah, for Rachel, others, so many others. I’m not alone. I’m not unheard. You hear, you know. Thanks for letting me cry on your shoulder. Lord Jesus, I’m fully committed to what you’d have me do- what you’d have my life look like. I look at others and see ease – I know the devil deceives. I’m yours, you have a perfect plan, and I surrender.”
February 28: “I feel compelled to write, as if this may be in our next baby’s adoption story or something. Only you know- I trust you. I spent 40+ minutes outside shoveling today after putting Jacob down for his rest. I’ve kept the path to the shed shoveled just in case I needed to get to baby stuff quickly. I’ve called it my ‘path of faith’. I shovel, I pray. I prayed today: ‘God, it would be so cool if I had an e-mail from Amy telling of a birth mom for us.’ I had checked e-mail earlier in the day to no avail. After coming inside to check again, sure enough, I saw a blatant – neon sign – answer to prayer. There it was, just asking us to consider her. A mom, who has struggled with mental illnesses- which could be hereditary, drugs, and instability, she wants face to face openness in the adoption of her baby boy. Are we interested in having our profile shown to her? WOW. Not the email I was expecting. That was a rough paragraph to swallow. Your will Father, not mine. Your plans not mine. I’ll do as you ask me to. I called Marand to have him pray. She is due the end of March. I pray for miracles. I pray for assurance for all involved. Maybe this little boy just needs my prayers…why would she choose us? Jesus I rest in you. May she come to know you, even through looking at our profile? What an exciting/challenging/rewarding path you’ve allowed Marand and I to walk. May you receive all honor and glory.”
We told Amy to go ahead and show our profile to her.
Wait on the Lord; be of good courage, and he shall strengthen your heart; Wait, I say, on the LORD!
March 7- 1:00 in the afternoon: I returned from cleaning a condo,I listened to “the call” on the answering machine, called Marand, who had just heard. We’ve been chosen. Her name is Angela (aka Angel), she is Caucasian and is 35 years old. She wants to meet us. The birth father is unknown, possibly African American. God, please have your will and way in this. There are drug and nicotine uses, mental disorders, other issues, I pray for miracles. This is not quite what I had in mind, we might as well meet her, and we still have the opportunity to say “this is not a good fit for us”. .….my journaling is interrupted by a call from Amy…. 3:00pm – “Angela has been admitted three weeks early, they are inducing, the baby will be here soon.” I make lots of quick phone calls, clear schedules and attempt to ready myself for what is to come. We meet at the agency at 9:00am tomorrow, and then with Angela after that. Seriously, less than 20 hours notice? We are to bring a car seat. She’s named him Aston Lee and he’ll be here tonight or early tomorrow. WOW. Jesus, your will not mine, your timing not mine, you are the perfect one.
March 8, 2011: 7:30am C-section birth = Baby boy 4lbs, 12.5oz 17” long. We met Angela for the first time only hours after the surgery in her hospital room. What a trooper. We exchanged pleasantries and some brief history about how Marand and I met; she needed her rest, what a brief first meeting. How awkward. How were we to know? Is this a good fit? We had time to think, to pray about Mama Sarah with Jacob. This was all so fast, so hard. The stakes were extremely high. It’s as if our all-knowing God protected us from too much time to think about things that needed not to be thought on. Praise God.
Then we saw him. We met the son we (with Angela’s blessing) named Isaac Lee. What a precious little guy. It was so overwhelming, so emotional to see his tiny, frail body, the tubes and monitors, the lights for jaundice, and the eye protection. They let me sleep in his room, to be the mom who fed him every two hours. Marand was just down the hall….How could I possibly do this? Was this from you God? My ipod, freshly downloaded with R.C. Sproul’s book ‘the Holiness of God’ rang in my ears. You are Holy, Holy, Holy. You are to be worshiped. I prayed, I worshiped, I questioned. Little did I know there was a seed of resentment towards Angela growing in me. I recognized only when she visited the room the next day. The unkempt appearance, the toothless mouth, the anxiety, the smell of residual smoke, this woman was very different from me. She is no stranger to this worlds strangle hold. The comments from her and her friends of how little he was, how cute he was…all the while I knew why he was so little; too weak to eat enough, so a feeding tube was placed. The doctors opted to take him three weeks early due to an unhealthy womb environment, and mother’s mental state. The nicotine contributed to his size. I looked at her, and was angry, for her seemingly selfish decisions that negatively affected him, not too big of a problem now…who knows what the future will reveal. I needed to go. If this was going to work out, I needed to spend some time searching, praying, and changing.
It’s amazing what a night breathing the breath of Jesus at home can do. So after a restful time of readying, praying and pleading for reassurance, I returned. This time without Marand, and thank you Jesus, my eyes were cleared of the judgmental anger. I loved her. I could see her as Jesus saw her, with love and acceptance, and compassion. I could truly hug her. This was a truly beautiful woman. This was my son, and this is his birth mom. I am so blessed. But for the grace of God, I’d be in her shoes. No difference between us. Please God, use me to bring her to Jesus.
Psalm 28:1a and 29:11
To you I will cry, O Lord my rock; The Lord will give strength to His people, The Lord will bless His people with peace.
March 10: “Here I sit, at Denver Health Hospital watching a sweet little guy sleeping, God’s little guy on loan to us. The e-mail from Bethany referred to Angela, the birth mom. We were the only family that fit her criteria, in the state of Colorado to reply “yes, show our profile”. That is truly amazing. The only profile she saw. She loved it. She chose us. She liked the fact that I was a stay at home mom. You choose Isaac, shined a light into this rough hospital and chose him, just as you chose me out of this rough world. Jesus, you amaze me – you honor your character, you are so faithful, you are so true, you are so Holy, Holy, Holy. Holy is your name. I bow my heart; I humbly worship the almighty king of kings who could ever love or care for me like you do? Please bless him. May Angela come to know you through reading the Bible we gave to her, please open her eyes by your Holy Spirit. What fun for Jacob to have a little brother. You truly answer prayer, even the prayer of a 2 year old boy, and give us the desire of our hearts. We are so grateful.
Oh, baby Isaac, How this ‘strong’ woman cries for you. It breaks my mother’s heart. She has no contact with any of her family, or other children. I can’t imagine the pain. You will be her last baby, and soon she’ll hand you to another. She has minimal support, for now, through other women in the home where she lives. They gave you a onsie to wear. The truth is written in sharpie marker on the back of that shirt. You truly are: “Angel’s angel”. She gives us the things she’s been collecting for you. She thought to keep you, to prepare for your arrival. She loves you.
Why me God? Why do I get to raise her sweet boy? Just as you’ve chosen me, you’ve chosen him. But by your grace, I’d be exactly where she is and worse. Please comfort her as only you can. Our relationship grows minimally, the conversation is surface only, and the mediation by the agency is sparse to say the least. I sleep in his room, I feed every two hours. I read. I listen. I pray.
Your mercy, O LORD, is in the heavens;
Your faithfulness reaches to the clouds.
Your righteousness is like the great mountains;
Your judgments are a great deep;
O LORD, You preserve man and beast.
How precious is Your lovingkindness, O God!
Therefore the children of men put their trust under the shadow of Your wings.
They are abundantly satisfied with the fullness of Your house,
And You give them drink from the river of Your pleasures.
For with You is the fountain of life;
In Your light we see light.
March 13: Discharge day. What a miracle. Isaac and Angela are released on the same day. It’s a Sunday, so no agency workers are in attendance. Marand has come to take us home, we are on our own. I was a bit worried about how Angela was going to fare; each day had understandably gotten progressively sadder for her. The time had come. Marand and I stood with car seat ready, and she held him and wept bitterly, wailed for him, as though in agonizing pain. My tears ran freely. How was this going to work? No placement ceremony, no prayer, no hope? Please Jesus, intervene, and that is just what he did. A middle aged doctor came into the room at just that moment and knelt in front of Angel. She held her leg to get her attention, and after calming her, began to tell her a story. Not just any story, a Bible story. She began: “I want to tell you a story of a very wise man, his name was Solomon. He was the wisest man in all the land. One day, he had two women come to him with only one baby. Both women claimed the child was her own.” I couldn’t believe my ears. Thank you Jesus, your timing is impeccable. She continued to the end of the story with “Solomon was going to kill that baby, and the real mother intervened by sacrificially choosing to allow the other mother to have him, she gave him up to save him.” Angela understood that not everything in that story applied to our situation, but she was affirmed in her choice. She placed baby Isaac in my arms and with a hug, we parted, me with a baby in my arms, she empty handed. Our lives joined forever.
It took about a month but the breast milk came again – Praise God.
That’s it. That’s Isaac’s adoption story, every detail orchestrated by a loving God. We’ve kept in contact with Angela minimally through e-mail and visited with her quite a few times in the first 6 months. Our common points are few, but strong. This is God’s baby boy, and our prayer is that we’ll spend eternity with his birth mom someday.